This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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