apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
