I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
