I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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