So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
