his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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