You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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