the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
there is glitter all over my balls
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
