Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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