just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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