so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
