she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
