bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
