Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
jump out the window naked night went bad
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
