paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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