I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
