i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
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You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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