It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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