he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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