I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
