I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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