also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize