Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
