Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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