i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
