Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
