thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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