just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
