dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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