so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
