So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
