life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
