Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
