Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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