Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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