If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My liver just had a heart attack.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
