He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
