it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
