I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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