i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
