Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
