Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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