Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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