i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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