If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
