I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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