Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
