member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
