i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You can't special order awesome
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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