A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
