one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The chlamydia really affected his face.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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