the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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