I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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