How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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