wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
whose parrot is this?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
