I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
