Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize