The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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