if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
