What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
