I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
