I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
