speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
