I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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