just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Life is so much better after having sex.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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